Stop Dragon My Heart Around

Back in my high school days, I dabbled in that nerdy fantasy role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons. I played off and on for a couple of years with a little gang of friends and associates. Some were close friends, some were acquaintances, and some were just weirdos who I tolerated. It was a confusing time for me. I was drifting between the cool kids and the nerdo's, alternating between the party scene and the sci-fi/fantasy crowd. It was a tough balancing act, but that's how I managed for several years, never quite finding my place.

A couple of my pewter figurines, one a very

Gandalf-like fellow, and the other an impressive dragon

As teenage life advanced, I found that the two scenes sort of intertwined sometimes. My geek squad got a little "cooler", and we'd drink while slaying dragons and saving damsels in distress. Now and then, a cool Dungeon Master (you've really got to understand the game to know what I'm talking about now) would allow us, the participants in his campaign, to have some free-form fun. Like there would be a halt in whatever boring or crisis situation we'd be facing, and suddenly we'd be thrust into a free-for-all. Kill everyone possible and reap the rewards: huge treasure and strength and magical power, whatever was available. Or a supernatural game show host called Uncle Stupid (courtesy of one particular DM we had) would appear and create highly improbable and silly scenarios for us players. Maybe a bizarre and dangerous puzzle to solve or some sort of charades we'd have to act out. A bit of alcohol always added to the fun. 

I had a character that survived many campaigns, a devious thief, whose name I cannot for the life of me recall. I even had a little metal figurine of that thief, and I know I've still got it around here somewhere, but can't locate it just now. Once I've found it, I'll post a photo. I was quite proud of my thief's dexterity, cunning, and stealth... and longevity. It really meant something to be able to overcome adversity among powerful wizards, ruthless warriors, and savage monsters. I believe my character met his end once or twice along the way, but a sympathetic wizard resurrected me from the dead to carry on with my merry band of misfits. 

Dungeons and Dragons, in case you aren't aware, is a game of chance, reason, ingenuity, and resourcefulness. Played in the "old school" fashion, with dice and grid paper (for mapping progress), the game could be a somewhat tactile experience. Sometimes, but not always, tokens or figurines representing the characters are used on a map or floor plan to more accurately determine how a situation will play out. Like a battle in close quarters. Or a search of a booby-trapped chamber. 

The roll of the dice decides what happens next. "I approach the dais and lift the crystal off the pedestal". Yeah, right. It's not always that easy. Hidden behind his screen, Dungeon Master rolls the bones to see if you can even get that close to the treasure Maybe it'll be a piece of cake, but it could also go the other way. A noxious gas might be triggered when you place a foot on the step, and you'd be left in a helpless, drugged state. Or worse, a blood-thirsty guardian would appear to do battle. 

Oh, those dice. From the traditional six-sided cubes to the hefty twenty-sided pieces, D&D dice are a necessity for gamers. The Dungeon Master especially must be well-equipped with an arsenal of dice. Even though I never aspired to run a campaign as DM, I felt it was a good idea to build up a little set of dice for my own purposes. It simply streamlined the game, speeding things up where one might otherwise have to borrow dice from the DM or another player. Plus some of those dice looked pretty darned cool. To start off, someone gave me a few of their old dice, but then I bought several brightly coloured, multi-sided rollers. There were four, six, eight, ten, twelve, and twenty-sided dice in my collection, which I toted along to sessions in my royal blue cloth Crown Royal bag with the gold drawstrings. 

I used to have a couple of the D&D books, the essential Player's Handbook and the nice-to-have Monster Manual. Those were handy while battling and thieving in fantasy worlds, but decades later, certain that I'd never play the game again, I sold them off. I kept the dice... for old time's sake, I guess. I doubt I'll ever need to use a 20-sided die again, but hey, it's cool to look at now and then. 

Whenever I watch a Lord of the Rings movie, or come across my old Tolkien books, I am reminded of my younger days playing the game that started the whole role-playing craze. The past-time is massive now, and has gone into board game and card formats, and video gaming, both on home systems and online. All have their place, but I suppose I'll always look back fondly on my afternoons, evenings, and even all-nighters... butchering trolls and orcs, and sneaking about swiping jewels and gold from unsuspecting fools the old-fashioned way, ha ha!

Roll the bones....

Mr. Music, Please

Movie music has always fascinated me. When I started collecting my first records back in the 70's, I began picking up the odd film score or soundtrack. The very first movie soundtrack I bought was Rocky, in 1976. I was twelve years old at the time, and I was on the brink of a home physical fitness regime. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Lee, and Rocky were role models to me. I was dying to get lean and strong. With weights, running, and calisthenics, I got the ball rolling. And that Rocky theme song became part of my "pump up" ritual... I'd play that tune as I was warming up for a run or weight workout to get myself in the mood for a good session. Gonna fly now....

The following year, a little movie called Star Wars came along and captured my imagination. The soaring and inspirational music of this space fantasy was magical to me. I added this double-disc album to my collection, and I played it constantly. From the character themes to the Imperial Attack, and later the Throne Room music - it was all entrancing. The delicate Princess Leia's Theme contrasted with the thrilling Last Battle and other pieces that accompanied exciting action sequences in the film. But the music was strong enough to stand on its own, apart from the movie. A great way - the only way - to relive some of the magic of Star Wars back before home video. 

Star Wars was the summer blockbuster in '77, but in late fall, another biggie came along, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. While I liked its musical score, I did not think it was something I wanted. Strangely, though, I was compelled to buy a bizarre record full of sci-fi movie themes - all done in a disco style. Really! And that record included a funky version of Close Encounters, as well as the Star Wars theme, main title, and cantina band ditties. There were also dance-floor variants of the themes from Star Trek, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and various other dreck. But I guess as a young teen back then, I sort of loved it. 

Somewhere in the early 80's, I saw a freaky film called A Clockwork Orange. More than just a brilliantly ultra-violent look at a dystopian future, the movie also boasted a magnificent music soundtrack. Composed of both symphonic and electronic versions of classical music, the album introduced me to the world of one Ludwig Van Beethoven and his contemporaries. Sprinkled among the grandiose orchestral pieces were more modern tracks like Singin' in the Rain and I Want to Marry a Lighthouse Keeper. Somehow it all fit together as a great listening experience. 

A Clockwork Orange's non-Beethoven tracks The Thieving Magpie, Pomp and Circumstance, and William Tell Overture all grabbed my attention, and I still love these works to this day. But it was the Beethoven music that stole my heart. Old Ludwig's Ninth Symphony was such a masterpiece, so full of power and emotion that it became not only my favourite classical work, but also one of my all-time faves, regardless of genre. Beethoven's Ninth would have to be on my short list of "desert island" albums, alongside the metal and dance that I hold dear. I even went so far as to hear the Ninth Symphony live at a Toronto concert hall. Now if that doesn't move you, nothing will.

My nerdy high school cohorts and I gravitated toward sci-fi and fantasy books and movies, so it was a no-brainer that we'd love the 1981 animated film Heavy Metal. It sure helped that I was a metal music fan, too, since the movie featured loads of my favourite bands. Not an original musical score, the Heavy Metal soundtrack was a compilation of various artists, including Cheap Trick, Blue Oyster Cult, Black Sabbath, Sammy Hagar, and Nazareth. The funny thing was that some of the least metallic music on the album was the coolest, like nerd pop band Devo's Workin' in a Coalmine and Through Being Cool. And Journey's Open Arms, while not heavy or even all that cool to us young teens, was recognized as a decent song, even if it was a... ballad. 

It wasn't until about a decade later that I really started to pump up my CD soundtrack collection with a bunch of scores from horror and sci-fi films (like the old Universal and Hammer flicks) and loads of composer John Barry's work, which included all of the James Bond soundtracks, plus several of his other movie scores. Some other composers that I admired and collected were Bernard Herrmann (Ghost and Mrs. Muir, Day the Earth Stood Still, and other 50's and 60's genre film scores), more John Williams (the Star Wars sequels - but not the prequels - and others), Jerry Goldsmith (Planet of the Apes, Alien, etc), Maurice Jarre (Lawrence of Arabia), and of course, Henry Mancini's immortal Pink Panther (and other) music. Those are just the highlights. 

I don't buy many soundtracks these days, but the one film franchise that I follow fervently in every respect is the James Bond series. So I try to buy every one of those CDs, unless they are too terrible to acknowledge (like Die Another Day), let alone display on a shelf in my home. 

Let the Music Do the Talking

Okay, so I've now got my viewing of SPECTRE behind me. Though I enjoyed the movie for the most part, I sadly did find myself cringing during the opening credits. Not a good sign. I had checked out the new James Bond movie theme song a few weeks ago, when it first hit the internet. My first impression was "Yuck!". That sentiment was confirmed when I heard the song within the context of the film. I hoped that maybe I'd change my mind about this Sam Smith tune, but nope, not really. 

To be more fair, I think I just have an issue with Smith's voice. If I could remove his vocals from the track and hear the instrumentation alone, I believe I'd love the song. In fact, I heard covers of the song on Youtube that impressed me a whole lot more... female singers gave the song that more traditional Bond sound... starting softly on verses and building to a powerful chorus. A feminine voice seemed more appropriate. So the song itself isn't my problem; the songwriting, instrumental and lyrical, is very cool and evokes a Bondian feel. 

Front desk? Room 62 here. I'd to report a noisy neighbour.

Sam Smith won't stop hollering in the shower next door.

Since this new Bond theme has bummed me out, I've been pondering just how bad this song is, and have been comparing it to what I consider the worst of the 007 songs. I'm happy to say that I like, and even love, the vast majority of the Bond themes. Composer John Barry, working with an assortment of popular songwriters, crafted amazing songs during the 60's, 70's, and even into the 80's. From Russia With Love (1963) was his first gem and The Living Daylights (1987) was his last collaboration. 

Only one song out of John Barry's eleven Bond songs rubs me the wrong way, and even then, I can occasionally enjoy it a bit.. and that is The Man With the Golden Gun. Sung, or screeched, by Scottish vocalist Lulu, the song is also dragged down by a very wonky (and dated sounding) rock guitar and an overly arranged horn section. Kind of brutal.

When John Barry stepped aside in the 80's, a variety of composers took over the podium and continued the string of successful 007 movie songs. Then along came 2002's Die Another Day, the first true flop (in my opinion) out of the entire Bond film franchise's history. It was almost universally panned, and even I, Bond fan that I am, found myself bored to tears through the latter half of the picture. Oh, and that song. You'd think that Madonna, the queen of pop, or whatever she calls herself, would bring something classy and exciting to the table. But no, her song, bearing the title of the movie itself, was a colossal wreck. I know some folks like it, or find it bearable, but I think it's a wreck. The tune doesn't suggest anything Bond in its sound. Simply an overwrought dance club racket, too busy and noisy to establish any sort of mood to suit the spy film. Die Another Day, both the movie and the song, signalled the end of an era... it was time for actor Pierce Brosnan to leave the Bond role. 

Then some blond actor named Daniel Craig stepped into 007's shoes for the next film, Casino Royale (2006). Not only was the movie a massive hit, it revived the floundering franchise. And that theme song! Chris Cornell belted out You Know My Name in the grand tradition of Tom Jones on Thunderball (1965), with backing music as powerful as Paul McCartney's Live and Let Die (1973). Here, everyone captured the tone of classic Bond. Bravo!

Front desk? Room 47. I'm trying to have a quiet bath here,

but it sounds like cats fighting in a laundry bag next door.

Now back to the bad stuff....

You Know My Name gave me false hope... for the follow up Bond film, Quantum of Solace, featured a travesty of a theme song, Another Way to Die. Even its title is uninspired. Hm, let's just throw the word "die" in there and it'll be an amazing Bond song. Nope. The vocal duet of Alicia Keys and Jack White was not only unexceptional, it was painful to listen to it. Terrible "harmony", if that's what they were trying to do. A couple of cats fighting in a laundry bag would sound more pleasing. The overall sound is about as irritating as it could be. Messy song construction and performance. The staccato trumpet blasts à la Bond failed to bring this any closer to a 007 vibe. So sad. Oh, and the movie was a major letdown, too. 
  
If I had to rank my worst Bond movie theme songs of all time, I think it would go like this, number one being the worst:

1. Another Way to Die
2. Writing's On the Wall
3. Die Another Day
4. The Man With the Golden Gun

At least Writing's On the Wall isn't as noisy and abrasive as Another Way to Die. I'll give it that. Yet I can stomach the electro-dance of Die Another Day more easily than Smith's whiny falsetto on Writing's On the Wall. Too bad, because the the vocals aside, this new Bond song is actually quite good. I just can't get past that guy's attempt at BeeGee's territory... hey, leave it to the Gibb brothers to do that. Thanks a lot, Sam.

SPECTRE Galore

The brand new James Bond film SPECTRE premiered in theatres here last night. I'm going to wait a few days or so before I head over to the cineplex.... avoid the opening weekend heavy crowds and all that. Still, I am keen and curious to see this latest entry in the long-running spy movie series. 

This twenty-fourth Bond motion picture is already getting favourable ratings (I'm not reading reviews... yet) across the board, mostly 7.5 to 8.0 out of 10, from those I've seen. I'll decide for myself once I see it.

A tasty Heineken lager, not shaken, not stirred

I may be alone on this, but I look forward to a new actor stepping into Bond's shoes. I have found that for the most part, the last three films have been good (or great), not because of Daniel Craig in the role of Bond, but because of everything else in the movies. The supporting cast were often exceptional, the scripts were strong, the theme songs and film scores were usually really good, and the stunts and cinematography were of typically high (Walther PPK) calibre. Bond films are famous for their massive budgets and attention to quality. And product placement.

But I'm just not much of a Craig fan. I mean, he's fine, but I don't look at him and think Bond. His appearance (and not just his hair colour, which frazzled everyone when they first heard he was chosen as the new 007) simply doesn't impress me as a James Bond. Watching Craig as Bond makes me feel like this could be any guy in the role... like Matt Damon or Jason Statham... and that this could be any fictional spy (Jason Bourne, Matt Helm, Napoleon Solo, etc). This fan feels that Clive Owen was the Bond that should have been, though it's a little late now, considering his age. Just look at Owen in The International and tell me that doesn't look like a great Bond movie. Head to head with Craig's uninspired Quantum of Solace, International wins out as a thrilling action/espionage film.

I don't feel like Craig fits the part the same way previous actors have. I like every other Bond actor in some way, to one degree or another. Connery, Lazenby, and Brosnan are tops, with Dalton and Moore bringing up the rear. Rumours have been flying around about who the next Bond actor may be, but nothing has been confirmed yet. Craig is contracted for one more film as 007. But enough of that... too negative for Bond fans to absorb at this time. Instead, let's focus on SPECTRE.

Just one appearance as Bond, and George Lazenby 

made a lasting impression as MI6 operative Bond